Beyond the Perfect Family Photo: Creating Meaningful Summer Memories for Care Experienced Children

By Susan Vickers
Executive Summary

Whilst social media feeds overflow with picture perfect family holidays, thousands of care experienced children across the UK face a different summer reality. With nearly 84,000 children currently in care and around 400,000 children in need, the six week summer break presents unique challenges for young people who've experienced trauma, instability, and disrupted attachments.

This isn't about competing with glossy holiday brochures or elaborate family adventures. Instead, it's about understanding that for care experienced children, summer holidays require a different approach: one that prioritises emotional safety, predictability, and healing over grand gestures. By recognising their specific needs and implementing trauma informed approaches, we can create meaningful experiences that nurture resilience rather than highlighting what's missing.

1. Understanding the Invisible Challenge

Think of summer holidays like a massive jigsaw puzzle. For most families, the pieces fit together naturally: school ends, holidays begin, memories are made, and September arrives with stories to share. For care experienced children, however, many of the puzzle pieces are missing, damaged, or don't quite fit.

The statistics paint a stark picture. 23% of children looked after experienced high placement instability (3 or more placements) during a two year period, meaning that the concept of "home" itself can be fluid and uncertain. When your living situation has been unstable, the idea of a family holiday—with its assumptions about belonging, security, and shared experiences can feel foreign rather than exciting.

Consider Sarah, aged 12, who's lived in four different foster homes over the past three years. Whilst her classmates excitedly plan camping trips with grandparents or beach holidays with siblings they've known since birth, Sarah faces a different reality. The summer break, rather than being a respite, can amplify feelings of being different, of not quite belonging anywhere completely.

The challenge extends beyond individual circumstances. Up to 645,000 children in the UK could experience 'holiday hunger' this summer, a reminder that basic needs often take precedence over leisure activities. For care experienced children, who may have lived with food insecurity in the past, summer holidays can trigger anxiety about provision and safety.

This isn't about feeling sorry for these young people: it's about understanding that their summer needs are fundamentally different, and that's perfectly valid.

2. The Social Media Pressure Cooker

Imagine social media during summer holidays as a highlight reel running on constant loop: every family seemingly having the most amazing time, every child beaming with joy, every moment perfectly captured and shared. For care experienced children, this can feel like watching through a window at a party they weren't invited to.

The pressure isn't just external. Care experienced children often carry what psychologists call "ambiguous loss": grief for family relationships that exist but are complicated, or for the "typical" childhood experiences they've missed. Summer's emphasis on family togetherness can intensify these feelings.

Foster carers and adopters frequently report feeling additional pressure during this period. There's an unspoken expectation that summer should be magical, that they should somehow compensate for past experiences through extraordinary holidays or activities. This well meaning but misguided approach can create stress for everyone involved.

The reality is that social media doesn't show the meltdowns in Tesco when a child becomes overwhelmed, or the careful planning required to help a young person feel safe in a new environment. It doesn't capture the small victories: a child who's never been to the seaside touching sand for the first time, or someone learning to trust enough to fall asleep in an unfamiliar place.

Understanding this pressure cooker effect is crucial because it helps us recognise that success during summer holidays might look completely different for care experienced children, and that's not just acceptable, it's necessary.

3. Building Emotional Scaffolding Through Routine

Think of routine as emotional scaffolding: the temporary support structure that helps build something strong and lasting. For care experienced children, who may have lived with unpredictability and chaos, routine during holidays isn't restrictive; it's liberating.

This doesn't mean rigid timetables or military precision. Instead, it's about creating predictable rhythms that help a child feel secure. Perhaps it's knowing that breakfast happens at roughly the same time each day, that there's always a quiet period after lunch, or that bedtime stories are non negotiable regardless of what exciting activities have filled the day.

Many care experienced children struggle with what's called "time blindness": difficulty understanding how long activities will last or what comes next. The endless, unstructured days of summer holidays can feel overwhelming rather than relaxing. Creating gentle structure helps bridge this gap.

Consider implementing "holiday anchors": consistent elements that remain the same even when everything else changes. This might be a special breakfast on Sundays, a weekly library visit, or a daily walk to the local park. These anchors provide security whilst still allowing for spontaneity and adventure.

The key is involving the child in creating these routines. Ask what helps them feel safe and settled. Some might need more structure; others might find comfort in having completely unplanned afternoons. There's no one size fits all approach, but there is always a need for predictability in some form.

4. Trauma Informed Activity Planning

Planning activities for care experienced children is like being a thoughtful architect: you need to understand the foundation before you can build upwards. Traditional approaches to summer fun often assume children come from secure backgrounds and have developed typical coping mechanisms. Care experienced children may need different considerations.

Start with the child's nervous system, not the activity list. A young person who's experienced trauma might find busy theme parks overwhelming rather than exciting. The crowds, noise, and sensory overload can trigger fight or flight responses that have nothing to do with roller coasters and everything to do with feeling unsafe.

This doesn't mean avoiding all stimulating activities: it means planning thoughtfully. Perhaps a trip to a safari park works better than a theme park because it's more spacious and calmer. Maybe swimming works well because it's sensory regulating, but only at quieter times when the pool isn't crowded.

Consider "exit strategies" for every activity. Knowing there's a plan B if things become overwhelming can make the difference between an activity being traumatic or therapeutic. This might mean bringing a familiar comfort item, planning regular breaks, or having a code word that means "I need to leave now" without explanation or shame.

Pay attention to triggers that might not be obvious. A child who's experienced neglect might struggle with messy activities because they associate chaos with danger. Someone who's lived with domestic violence might find loud noises distressing. These aren't character flaws or behaviours to overcome: they're survival mechanisms that deserve respect and accommodation.

The goal isn't to avoid all potential triggers but to approach them with awareness, preparation, and infinite patience.

5. Creating Connection Without Pressure

Building meaningful relationships with care experienced children is like tending a garden that's been through a harsh winter: you can't force growth, but you can create conditions where it's more likely to happen. Summer holidays provide extended opportunities for connection, but only if approached without pressure or expectations.

Traditional bonding activities often assume children will naturally open up and engage. Care experienced children might need different approaches. Some communicate better through activities than conversation. Building a den together might reveal more about a child's inner world than any heart to heart chat.

Focus on "parallel experiences" rather than intense bonding moments. This might mean cooking together in comfortable silence, working on a jigsaw puzzle side by side, or simply being in the same space while each person does their own thing. Proximity without pressure can be profoundly healing.

Understand that a child's response to kindness might not match your expectations. Some care experienced children will test boundaries more during holidays when they're spending more time with carers. This isn't ingratitude: it's often a way of checking whether they're truly safe and accepted, even when they're not at their best.

Celebrate small moments of connection. A shared laugh, a request for help, or a moment when a child seeks comfort are all significant. These might matter more than any grand gesture or expensive outing.

Remember that some care experienced children have learned to be hypervigilant about relationships, always watching for signs that they might be rejected or abandoned. Consistency in your responses being reliably patient, kind, and present gradually builds the trust that makes deeper connection possible.

Conclusion: Redefining Summer Success

Creating meaningful summer experiences for care experienced children isn't about competing with picture perfect family holidays or compensating for past difficulties. It's about understanding that healing happens in small, consistent moments of safety, acceptance, and gentle care.

Actionable Takeaways:

1. Start with Safety, Not Activities: Before planning any summer activities, ensure the child feels emotionally and physically safe. This might mean maintaining familiar routines even during holidays, or checking in regularly about how they're feeling rather than assuming enthusiasm.

2. Plan with the Child, Not For Them: Involve care experienced children in summer planning. Ask what they'd like to do, but also what they'd like to avoid. Their insights about their own needs are invaluable and help build their sense of agency.

3. Create "Exit Strategies": For every activity or outing, have a plan for what to do if the child becomes overwhelmed. This isn't pessimistic planning it's creating conditions where the child can take reasonable risks knowing they're supported.

4. Celebrate Small Victories: Success might look like a child trying a new food, sleeping well in a different location, or asking for help when they need it. These moments matter more than any Instagram worthy achievement.

5. Focus on Connection, Not Perfection: The most meaningful summer memories often come from simple moments of genuine connection rather than elaborate activities. A child who feels truly seen and accepted will carry that feeling long after the holidays end.

The summer holidays don't need to be perfect to be powerful. For care experienced children, the greatest gift isn't an exotic holiday: it's the experience of being with adults who understand their needs, respect their journey, and provide the steady, predictable care that allows healing to happen naturally.

In a world obsessed with perfect family photos, perhaps the most radical act is creating space for imperfect but genuine experiences that honour where these children are now, whilst gently supporting them towards where they're capable of going.