Perspectives from Parents and Kids on Journey of Adoption

Posted on October 8th, 2025

Adoption isn’t just forms and fairytales. It’s a patchwork of real lives, complicated, moving, and rarely neat.

For every heartwarming first “Mum” or “Dad,” there’s a quieter moment too: a question, a gap, a feeling that doesn’t quite settle. And those bits count just as much. Parents and children might share the same postcode, but their journeys can feel worlds apart. One’s focused on building something new; the other might still be piecing together what came before.

That contrast isn’t a problem. It’s part of the truth. The more we hear from both sides, the more layered the story becomes. Not tidier. Just more honest.

The Emotional Journey Of Adoption In The UK

Adoption in the UK often brings joy, but that’s only part of the story. Behind every successful placement, there’s an emotional layer that’s harder to see, especially for the adoptee. One of the deeper challenges is something known as adoption trauma. It stems from early separation from birth parents, and while the paperwork might be tidy, the emotional impact rarely is.

This kind of loss, even if it happens in infancy, can leave a lasting mark. It’s not just sadness. It’s confusion, identity questions, and a sense of loss that doesn’t always have a name. Many adoptees carry a kind of invisible grief. It’s not always obvious, and it doesn’t fit neatly into everyday conversations. Some speak of feeling like something’s missing, even in otherwise loving homes.

This isn’t about blame; it’s about recognising how deep those early ruptures can run. And it doesn’t help when society glosses over it all with blanket statements about “lucky children” or “happy endings.” Another part of the emotional puzzle is attachment. Forming lasting, secure bonds isn’t always straightforward for children who’ve experienced early disruption. Some struggle to trust, while others might latch onto everyone with the same intensity.

It’s not defiance. It’s a survival tactic built from past uncertainty. What looks like emotional distance or overly eager behaviour is often a sign of someone figuring out how to feel safe again. This doesn’t mean adoptees are broken. It means healing takes time, and the process isn’t linear.

One adoptee, Claudia, shared how reconnecting with her roots didn’t erase her past struggles, but it helped her understand them. Therapy gave her tools, but so did speaking openly with other adoptees and putting her thoughts into writing.

Her experience reflects what many find: that identity is layered, and belonging isn’t a one-time event. It’s something you keep building. What makes a difference is empathy. Families who’ve walked this path talk about the importance of patience, consistency, and listening more than fixing.

And for those outside the circle, being willing to understand without jumping to conclusions helps create space for healthier, more honest conversations.

Adoption stories don’t follow a single script. They’re complex, personal, and evolving. By acknowledging that, we start moving towards something more meaningful than just happy outcomes. We start making room for real ones.

How Care-Experienced People Feel About Adoption

Adoptive parents bring their own emotional load to the table. For many, the hope is to create a loving, stable home, but that hope often comes with pressure. There’s an unspoken expectation to bond instantly, to fit neatly into a picture-perfect family.

When that doesn’t happen straight away, it can spark feelings of doubt or guilt.

Some parents also experience what’s known as secondary trauma, where the emotional weight of their child’s past becomes their own to carry. It’s not weakness. It’s human. Recognising those feelings is part of building a healthier home. Being an adoptive parent doesn’t mean having all the answers. It means being open to learning, adjusting, and growing alongside your child. Needs change, questions come up, and identity becomes a bigger part of the conversation over time.

Many parents find that the most meaningful progress happens in small, everyday moments, like learning how to talk about the past without fear or making space for their child’s culture without turning it into a lesson. 

Workshops, support groups, and honest chats with other adopters often provide perspective and reassurance. Widening the lens, culture plays a significant role in the adoption experience. In transracial or international adoptions, children may find themselves in entirely new worlds. It’s more than a change of scenery. It can mean standing out in school, not seeing themselves reflected in their community, or wrestling with where they fit.

When society clings to stereotypes or sidelines diverse identities, adoptees can feel caught in the middle, expected to blend in while holding onto pieces of themselves that don’t always match their environment.

This isn’t a call for pity. It’s a call for awareness. Adoptees aren’t asking for perfection, just understanding. Honest conversations about culture, identity, and belonging shouldn’t be seen as uncomfortable. They’re necessary. Families that lean into these topics, instead of avoiding them, tend to build stronger, more resilient connections.

And while many adopted individuals go on to lead fulfilling lives, the statistics remind us not to ignore the harder bits. A notable number need ongoing emotional or behavioural support. That’s not failure. It’s reality. 

Success in adoption isn’t about ticking boxes. It’s about recognising individual journeys and celebrating progress that might not show up in neat milestones. More honest storytelling, more inclusive support, and more listening—that’s the way forward.

Life After Adoption And Leaving Care

Life after adoption doesn’t wrap up neatly once the paperwork’s done. For many adopted people, stepping into adulthood marks a new chapter that can feel both empowering and uncertain.

Some ease into independence with a strong sense of stability, while others find the shift jarring, especially when questions around identity, belonging, or early trauma resurface. Not all adoptees leave care with the same footing. Their journeys can be shaped by everything from past attachment issues to how much support they’ve had in understanding their history.

Some strengthen bonds with their adoptive families; others begin searching for biological connections that once felt too distant to face. It’s not about choosing sides. It’s about making sense of who they are on their own terms.

Do care-experienced people love their adoptive parents, or are they just grateful? The truth rarely fits into either box. Love and gratitude can coexist, clash, or show up in ways that don’t follow familiar scripts. Some feel deeply connected to their adoptive families; others feel more like guests in a life they didn’t choose. The relationships may be strong, strained, or somewhere in between, but what they all share is complexity.

Take Rachel, who credits her career success to the consistent support of her adoptive parents. Her way of honouring them isn’t about saying all was perfect. It’s about recognising what was given and what she built with it. 

David’s story is different. Despite a stable home, university life stirred a strange sense of disconnection. “Homesick for a place I’ve never been,” he said; a line that captures what many adoptees struggle to explain.

Those who access support—whether counselling, community groups, or peers who simply understand, tend to find firmer footing. It’s not a cure-all, but it helps. These resources give adoptees space to unpack their histories and explore identity without judgment. Cultural identity adds another layer. Some adoptees lean into heritage they weren’t raised with, while others create their own traditions.

Living in diverse communities can ease this process or complicate it, depending on how much room they’re given to just be themselves. Public understanding still lags behind, often flattening adoption stories into either tragedy or triumph.

That’s where awareness matters. By amplifying real voices and moving beyond one-size-fits-all narratives, we make room for adoptees to tell their own stories on their terms—and help society catch up.

Start Rebuilding Trust Of Your Adopted Children with Susan Vickers Foundation

Adoption doesn’t end with a placement. It evolves through childhood, into adulthood, and across every shift in identity, relationships, and personal growth.

The emotional threads aren’t always visible, but they’re there. For adoptees, feeling seen and supported often depends on how willing the people around them are to listen without judgement, respond with care, and keep learning. Building that kind of understanding doesn’t happen by accident. It takes commitment from families, professionals, and communities.

That’s why the Susan Vickers Foundation offers practical, focused support designed specifically for those going through adoption’s complexities.

Our Understanding Attachment Trauma in Care-Experienced People training helps you identify the less obvious signs of trauma and gives you tools to rebuild trust where it may have been fractured. It’s a strong starting point for anyone wanting to support care-experienced people more effectively.

If you’d like to explore how we can support you or someone you care about, you’re welcome to get in touch. Reach us directly via [email protected] or call 01902 572397.

Every story matters. When we make space for honest conversation, practical support, and continued education, we help shift adoption culture toward something more inclusive, realistic, and human. Let's keep that conversation going.